Those Crazy Football Rules for You

While we wait the brace of weeks before the Super Bowl, we can prattle about how Pittsburgh and Seattle strained everybody else how to gambol football.

Do you wakefulness March Madness? The team that ends up with the memorial of conquest is the one that has the toleration. Some years ago, Utah was in the eventual sport. They pooped out before the end of the first half to my perfect frustration having worn out 8 years of my life at the University of Utah.

March Madness, of course is basketball. Football is the more irregular sport which would have been explained and described by Charles Darwin if it were invented in his day. However, American football came from Rugby. That's the sport where all the players have had their teeth knocked out but still be fond of the sport. Only the most fit remain alive.

I loved football when I was a kid. My female parent would not let me put on the high-reaching place of education football constant with all of the pads, morion, and other defensive devices. Because of that, those of us non-players went to the house of worship lees and played on the lawn without any uniforms with the security array. Our period of the year ended when everybody's knees had turned to mush from playing pulley (without knee pads) rather than strike against football.

In Korea we played pulley football with no defensive array. We could only do this when we were back in lay up. We played as rigid as we could. If we broke a leg or an arm bad enough the vanquish that could befall to us would be that they would ejaculate us abode. We couldn't gambol football on the extended mark. We would have rolled down the mount. (Besides we had telephone lines to renew during the day which got swollen apart again every darkness. The lines were necessary to dub in piece of ordnance for throwing bombs intense heat at darkness on the piece of ordnance for throwing bombs concentrations we set up during the day.)

No one ever current the slightest mark with a scratch or with scratches in one of our pulley football games. Our period of the year always ended when the C.O. said, "No more pulley football. You're going to get killed out there." (Each of us had heard that from the Regimental Commander when we joined the one. He always said, "Half of you will not be going abode, not live anyway." Thankfully, he was unjust. Our Regiment not to be found about 1000 G.I.s plus a huge numerate of ROK soldiers that served in our units more than the three years of the Korean War. When I was there, the losses were lower than before I got there and after I left.)

The above is called by football commentators a sidelight. I don't like sideline sob stories (or human affect stories) while attention television football any more than you liked the above sidelight.

Anyway, my wife has taken up football. After resisting for 70 years she lastly gave in. She can't believe that she now likes football. What I mean is: She has not suited up yet. She likes to wakefulness it on television. Therefore we now converse about the sport.

I'm usually perusal a volume or doing a science of the laws of thought pose during the sport, but she gives it her replete alertness and she gives me a fixed course of gossip that actually gets me prejudiced in the sport.

Today she asked me about penalties and how they are applied. The penal retribution she was talking about was when Seattle had Carolina on the one compound extended mark. It was a 5-compound procedural penal retribution. That meant the globe would be put half the remoteness to the mark. I said, "I think that should be an self-acting security. The globe should be placed on the minus 4-compound extended mark. Now I know that the refs probably have not had calculus, so they should just dub it a security.

My wife wanted to know more. I said, believe you are on your adversary's 16 compound extended mark and they get a 15-compound penal retribution. The globe would be placed on the 1-compound extended mark. Now believe you are on the 14-compound extended mark under the same state of affairs. The globe would be placed half the remoteness to the mark and you would get the globe on the 7.5-compound extended mark."

Stupid, right? (If I said the globe should be put on the minus 1-compound extended mark, everybody would mourn, "That's no way to get a touchdown!")

Here's what should befall in the second instigation. The globe is put on the 1-compound extended mark and then half the remoteness to the mark. You should be on the ½-compound extended mark. They should accord confer you as many of the penal retribution yards as possible and then ½ the remoteness to the mark of what's left. That will always put you on the 1/2-compound extended mark where you belong.

I also would like the feel about rules put back where they belong. The clod can't keep arrival up and knocking the globe out of the idler's clutches like that and getting away with it.